On your first day.

The day has come, I feel I've been waiting for this day all summer, hoping it wouldn't come around quite as fast as it has! While I tried my hardest to enjoy the summer and make the most of each day, every day felt bitter sweet as it was one day closer to this day.

While I am so excited to see who you become now you've started school and I'm excited for all your stories and all the things you'll bring home to show me, I can't help but feel sad that this is another step towards you growing up. I've had to let you go just that little bit more.

The days leading up to this day have been hard and emotional, I've cried and I've longed for you to be a baby again, even though I know this is all part of life it doesn't make it any easier!

It's true what they say, the hardest part of being a parent is letting go and letting you grow.

Today my heart is hurting, but I know it will get easier.

You made us so proud today. As we got out of the car, you hugged me tight and said "Mummy I'm nervous.." I was worried you'd get upset, but you didn't, you bravely walked in to the school and when it was time you blew Daddy and I a kiss and we waved goodbye to you.

Well done Bee - You are going to be brilliant.

I can't wait for 3 o'clock...!

Love you x

Pumpkin Patch and Halloween!

Once again another October has flown by, we had a great one, Skye talked non stop about halloween the whole month! 

She got really in to it this year and kept asking when we could decorate the house! 

We decided to go back to the pumpkin patch we visited last year, but this year we went earlier and there were so many more pumpkins! I think we will probably end up visiting here every year now! It is perfect as its small and quiet! I looked around for others but they were all ones you had to pay for as they had other activities available. 

We all prefer something a little more quiet and where we can do our own thing so this place is perfect for us!

For halloween we carved our pumpkins and had a little party at my mums house, sadly though Skye Bee ended up being poorly for the day so didn't end up enjoying it as much as she would have! She kept her spirits up though and still wanted to have her face painted and dress up!

So that's October for another year! Now on to Skye Bee's FOURTH (what?!!) birthday! 

Hope you all had a great October and Halloween!

Missing You.

I can't believe it's been over a year already.

Seeing all the other mama's stories on baby loss brings it all home again, and although I still think about it everyday, this week seems to make everything come to the surface just that little bit more.

How do you ever really get over losing a baby that was so so so wanted and already so loved?

Even after hearing other peoples stories I still feel silly for feeling so sad, I was barely 7 weeks pregnant, I didn't have a bump, I didn't have any symptoms. I know I have as much right as anyone else to feel sad about it, I know this, but still when I hear stories of women losing babies much further on, or even still born I can't help but feel I'm being a little dramatic for feeling so upset.

I don't talk about it to anyone for this reason, because I don't feel anyone but Dom really understands.

I know in reality A LOT of people would understand and do understand.

I am so glad that baby loss is so widely spoken about now, and you really don't realise just how many people are affected by it.

When I had Skye the thought of loosing her never crossed my mind. The thought of anything going wrong never crossed my mind. I was in such a naive little bubble. To be honest I am so glad that I was! I feel if I ever get pregnant again, I won't be so naive to it all, and I'll probably worry a whole lot more.

I hope that in sharing my story, I have at least made just one more person aware of ectopic pregnancies and just how common and dangerous they can be, I know before it happened to me, I was unaware of just how serious and dangerous they were.

So here we are a year on, and still missing you little one.

#babylossawarenessweek

Easter 2017!

I can't believe that Easter has been and gone already! This year is really flying by!

We had a great Easter and really enjoyed the Easter holidays!

Skye went to bed excited for the Easter bunny and was really pleased to wake up and see what he had left for her! :)

I love how excited she gets for all these things now that she is a little older!

We then went out for lunch with all the family and Skye got to run around and play with her older cousins.

Once lunch was done we headed back to mum's and the kids did a little Easter egg hunt! Though I'm not sure who got more excited about it...*ahem...Dom* ..!!

  

After a lovely day and too much chocolate, we were all ready for a good nights sleep! 

When Skye went back to nursery after the holidays, we found out they were doing an Easter bonnet parade on the Friday, so we bought supplies to make her a hat! She really enjoyed making her hat and sticking all the things we had got to go on it, Dom was even allowed to help her!

I'll definitely remember her first Easter bonnet parade forever, she did so great even though she was very nervous about it! I still remember doing my Easter bonnet parades when I went there all those years ago! ( I hated it!! )

Sparklers and Hot Chocolate!

After a long day at work on Saturday I was so excited to get home and enjoy an evening of sparklers and hot chocolate cosiness!

We made sure to get lots of sparklers this year as Skye really enjoyed them last year and we ran out! However this year she wasn't too sure if she enjoyed them or not! (TYPICAL!!) She enjoyed watching Dom do one then thought she would be brave and do one herself and she loved it! (phew!!)

It was super cold out though and Leo was going totally crazy all evening at any noise he heard! Once he hears one firework he is completely anxious for the whole evening, it's so horrible seeing him so on edge and upset, if he's not barking then he's whimpering. Poor poochi!

Once we had finished outside doing all the sparklers we came inside to have our hot chocolate which I had prepared early using the slow cooker recipe I had found online.. so yummy!! I will  make sure to share the recipe on here soon as it's so easy and so nice to have it ready when you want it!

Here are a few photos from our bonfire night!