Missing You.

I can't believe it's been over a year already.

Seeing all the other mama's stories on baby loss brings it all home again, and although I still think about it everyday, this week seems to make everything come to the surface just that little bit more.

How do you ever really get over losing a baby that was so so so wanted and already so loved?

Even after hearing other peoples stories I still feel silly for feeling so sad, I was barely 7 weeks pregnant, I didn't have a bump, I didn't have any symptoms. I know I have as much right as anyone else to feel sad about it, I know this, but still when I hear stories of women losing babies much further on, or even still born I can't help but feel I'm being a little dramatic for feeling so upset.

I don't talk about it to anyone for this reason, because I don't feel anyone but Dom really understands.

I know in reality A LOT of people would understand and do understand.

I am so glad that baby loss is so widely spoken about now, and you really don't realise just how many people are affected by it.

When I had Skye the thought of loosing her never crossed my mind. The thought of anything going wrong never crossed my mind. I was in such a naive little bubble. To be honest I am so glad that I was! I feel if I ever get pregnant again, I won't be so naive to it all, and I'll probably worry a whole lot more.

I hope that in sharing my story, I have at least made just one more person aware of ectopic pregnancies and just how common and dangerous they can be, I know before it happened to me, I was unaware of just how serious and dangerous they were.

So here we are a year on, and still missing you little one.

#babylossawarenessweek

Mommy Talk: Morning Sickness.

I thought I'd start once a week to try and do a post on mummy topics. Things that I've experienced, from when I was pregnant, right up to the toddler months we're now in!

I thought what better place to start, than where my journey began.. and where it stayed for quite some time!!

When I first found out I was pregnant, we decided to not tell anyone for a little while,  well that lasted for around a week! We were due to go out for an easter meal with all my family, and as I went to get out of bed, I was hit with a horrid feeling of nausea, the way you feel after a heavy night of drinking! Of course as I knew I was pregnant I knew exactly what this was.. I hadn't escaped it! Damn!! I had expected some sort of morning sickness, but what I didn't expect or know, was that it could (and would!) go on for weeks, and not just be in the morning!

After a few days of being in bed unable to keep any food or drink down, I knew I had to tell my mum what was going on! She had already guessed I think anyway! I decided now was the time to go to the doctor and see what they could do to help! I had been googling (naughty!) ways to help myself but nothing seemed to work for me. The doctor signed me off work and gave me some tablets which should have eased the sickness enough to help me to eat. They did not work!!

I was so fed up of lying in bed and spent hours reading through pregnancy forums to find out when this would be over and I could enjoy being pregnant! Obviously though nothing could give me the answer I wanted, and I just had to wait it out. The worst of my sickness lasted for around six weeks. However it didn't stop there! I still had the odd day here and there where I would feel dreadful, and I was still sick in the mornings right after I'd eaten (TMI!!) all the way up until I was 40 weeks!! It wasn't every day, but quite often!!

Sickness like this was not something that I had ever known about before getting pregnant, I mean I knew about morning sickness of course, but I had imagined being sick once when waking up then carrying on through the day! I did not know it could go on all day or last for weeks!!

Here are a few things which helped me to get through! I hope if anyone is in the same position I was and is scrolling the internet looking for anything to help, that this helps a little!!

- Eating something as soon as you wake up, even if you don't feel hungry.

- Drink lots of water. My doctor said the baby will get what it needs from you as long as you stay hydrated.

- Wear travel sickness bands. I don't really think these helped, but it was more of a mind trick!

- Don't worry about work. - I would worry constantly what people at work would think that I had phoned in sick again, or if I had to go home, but honestly don't worry. Your health and your baby are more important than what other people think. I was signed off of work for six weeks, and when I went back they would let me go home if I didn't feel well enough. Working in retail it is very hard to cope with sickness or hide it!! Especially when you have to stand constantly all day! Any "work tips" that I found online all assumed that pregnant women work in offices and that you have a desk! Well where I work there is no chance to sit down or rest!

- Keep mints or sweets handy! I always found sucking a hard sweet or a mint helped, and it kept that horrible taste away as well!

- If you can't face eating, try drinking a glass of milk. This always helped me! If you don't like plain milk, try flavoured milk.

- Also eating dry things like toast, breadsticks and rich tea biscuits. I lived off of these things for the first few weeks!

- Keep a snack handy. I used to keep a kit kat or small pack of biscuits in my bag at all times. The second I felt hungry I would have to eat otherwise the sick feeling would come!

These are a few things that helped me, and I hope by sharing it will help others!

Did you have pregnancy sickness? What tips do you have? :)

Meet my bump!

Despite the ups and downs, the sickness, the 40 week hangover feeling, the difficulty bending, walking turning in bed, sleeping and eating.. I absolutely LOVED being pregnant, I loved my bump and now it's all over I miss it!!

Here's my bump from 15weeks to 40weeks :) There was no point starting any earlier than 15 weeks, because I had no bump! I barely had one at 15 weeks, but I felt that's when it started to show to me anyway!
I really would advise to anyone who is newly pregnant, or trying to get pregnant, to document this part, because although at the time it doesn't feel like it, it really does go so quick, and I'm so happy I have these pictures to look back on :)

Let's go back to the start...!

23rd March 2013

I'd had my suspicions for around a week that we may be pregnant, but didn't want to say anything to Dom until I was more sure. I'd been at work and it'd been a long day, I was super tired and sure I knew why, I mentioned to Dom that I was a few days late.. His eyes lit up and I was dreading being wrong about this! It was a Wednesday night, and we decided to give it a few more days, and take the test at the weekend when we were both home so either way we could spend time together after.

The next few days dragged and we went to bed every night excited for the weekend, even though I was already convinced I was pregnant! 

So the weekend came around (FINALLY!) and I woke up at 6am, I'd heard it was best to take the test first thing in the morning, and not only was I dying to know for sure, I was dying for a wee! I woke up Dom and said I had to go, so I had to take the test now, he went from asleep to awake in seconds!

I went into the bathroom and thought of all the films where they sit waiting for ages to get the results!  I seriously thought it would take longer! I was nervous and excited all at once.. either way this was about to get real!

Literally no sooner had I pee'd on the stick, two very distinctive lines appeared and there was no more doubt about it...WE WERE PREGNANT!!!

I tried to keep a straight face as I walked back into the bedroom, it was even harder to keep a straight face once I saw Dom sat up in bed, with the look of utter terror on his face! He said he was trying to guess the answer by the look on my face! When I finally told him, he was over the moon! We sat hugging for ages and every time we looked at each other our grins just got bigger and bigger! 

We decided not to tell people for a little while longer.. little did I know though just how hard a secret I was about to try and keep!!