On your first day.

The day has come, I feel I've been waiting for this day all summer, hoping it wouldn't come around quite as fast as it has! While I tried my hardest to enjoy the summer and make the most of each day, every day felt bitter sweet as it was one day closer to this day.

While I am so excited to see who you become now you've started school and I'm excited for all your stories and all the things you'll bring home to show me, I can't help but feel sad that this is another step towards you growing up. I've had to let you go just that little bit more.

The days leading up to this day have been hard and emotional, I've cried and I've longed for you to be a baby again, even though I know this is all part of life it doesn't make it any easier!

It's true what they say, the hardest part of being a parent is letting go and letting you grow.

Today my heart is hurting, but I know it will get easier.

You made us so proud today. As we got out of the car, you hugged me tight and said "Mummy I'm nervous.." I was worried you'd get upset, but you didn't, you bravely walked in to the school and when it was time you blew Daddy and I a kiss and we waved goodbye to you.

Well done Bee - You are going to be brilliant.

I can't wait for 3 o'clock...!

Love you x

Missing You.

I can't believe it's been over a year already.

Seeing all the other mama's stories on baby loss brings it all home again, and although I still think about it everyday, this week seems to make everything come to the surface just that little bit more.

How do you ever really get over losing a baby that was so so so wanted and already so loved?

Even after hearing other peoples stories I still feel silly for feeling so sad, I was barely 7 weeks pregnant, I didn't have a bump, I didn't have any symptoms. I know I have as much right as anyone else to feel sad about it, I know this, but still when I hear stories of women losing babies much further on, or even still born I can't help but feel I'm being a little dramatic for feeling so upset.

I don't talk about it to anyone for this reason, because I don't feel anyone but Dom really understands.

I know in reality A LOT of people would understand and do understand.

I am so glad that baby loss is so widely spoken about now, and you really don't realise just how many people are affected by it.

When I had Skye the thought of loosing her never crossed my mind. The thought of anything going wrong never crossed my mind. I was in such a naive little bubble. To be honest I am so glad that I was! I feel if I ever get pregnant again, I won't be so naive to it all, and I'll probably worry a whole lot more.

I hope that in sharing my story, I have at least made just one more person aware of ectopic pregnancies and just how common and dangerous they can be, I know before it happened to me, I was unaware of just how serious and dangerous they were.

So here we are a year on, and still missing you little one.

#babylossawarenessweek

The Best Things In Life Are Free..

For Easter this year Dom surprised Skye with her very own strawberry plant to take care of and watch grown!

She took great care with watering it and got excited when she started to see the small green strawberries starting to grow!

We noticed the other night that she finally had one big red strawberry ready to be picked and once we told her she couldn't wait to pick it off and try it!

I love watching her learn about things and seeing the excitement in her eyes over things we take for granted every day, it really is the best seeing life again through her eyes!

After picking her first strawberry she couldn't wait for more to grow, and was excited to be able to pick quite a few this morning before nursery!

I love summer mornings when the air is still crisp and the sun is shining, I can't wait to explore life more with this little one!

What are your favourite things about summer? Do you grow your own fruit/veg? :) 

Thanks for reading! x

Easter 2017!

I can't believe that Easter has been and gone already! This year is really flying by!

We had a great Easter and really enjoyed the Easter holidays!

Skye went to bed excited for the Easter bunny and was really pleased to wake up and see what he had left for her! :)

I love how excited she gets for all these things now that she is a little older!

We then went out for lunch with all the family and Skye got to run around and play with her older cousins.

Once lunch was done we headed back to mum's and the kids did a little Easter egg hunt! Though I'm not sure who got more excited about it...*ahem...Dom* ..!!

  

After a lovely day and too much chocolate, we were all ready for a good nights sleep! 

When Skye went back to nursery after the holidays, we found out they were doing an Easter bonnet parade on the Friday, so we bought supplies to make her a hat! She really enjoyed making her hat and sticking all the things we had got to go on it, Dom was even allowed to help her!

I'll definitely remember her first Easter bonnet parade forever, she did so great even though she was very nervous about it! I still remember doing my Easter bonnet parades when I went there all those years ago! ( I hated it!! )

I don't need you mummy!

Why are these words so hard to hear?!

Skye just went to use the toilet, and she marched in ahead of me, stopped at the door and said "I don't need you mummy.." she pulled the door shut behind her and left me stood outside wondering where my baby went!!

It seems like only yesterday that she couldn't even hold her own head up without me, now she apparently doesn't need me!

It so tough to hear as a mum (or dad!) that they don't need you and obviously we know that's not true,  I mean come on she's three, but still ..!!

On the flip side though it makes me so proud how grown up she is becoming, and she's really found her confidence in doing things for herself since starting nursery.

Anyone else clinging on to the baby years, dragging them out for as long as possible?!

Autumn Memories..

I've always enjoyed taking photos (of everything!) and it's become so easy to take quick snaps on your phone that we forget about the expensive cameras sat on the side collecting dust!

So every so often I like to take proper photos on a proper camera, just so I have some super nice pictures and manage to capture Skye growing up in more than just an everyday snap!

As halloween was on a Monday I decided this would be a good day, the weather was beautiful, warm and sunny with a real autumn feel in the air. However as Skye has got older, she doesn't really want to cooperate in my photo shoots I have planned, but bless her she does any way and we have great fun in-between me desperately snapping away!

I love how these photos turned out, even the ones where she looks so fed up!! It's always fun to look back at these posts, I'm still so in love with her first halloween photos we took!

Haha how fed up?!

Goodbye October!

October was full of fun!

It's always a fun month, where Autumn really feels in full swing. Halloween is obviously the best part of October, and we made sure to make the most of our spooky decorations and put them up on the first!

I always enjoy picking out something new each year to decorate the home with and our halloween decorations are fast becoming as exciting to put up as the christmas ones! I've enjoyed putting on the spooky fairy lights every evening and lighting our candles! The house has felt super cosy once all the lights are twinkling and candles are flickering!

Skye enjoyed halloween this year, kind of! There were times when she was scared and times when she loved it! She enjoyed carving her pumpkin and all the dressing up of course!

She especially enjoyed having her face painted and painting Auntie Carms!!

Here are some snaps from our October!

Now we look forward to Skye's birthday month and our baby girl turning THREE! (HOW?!)