On your first day.

The day has come, I feel I've been waiting for this day all summer, hoping it wouldn't come around quite as fast as it has! While I tried my hardest to enjoy the summer and make the most of each day, every day felt bitter sweet as it was one day closer to this day.

While I am so excited to see who you become now you've started school and I'm excited for all your stories and all the things you'll bring home to show me, I can't help but feel sad that this is another step towards you growing up. I've had to let you go just that little bit more.

The days leading up to this day have been hard and emotional, I've cried and I've longed for you to be a baby again, even though I know this is all part of life it doesn't make it any easier!

It's true what they say, the hardest part of being a parent is letting go and letting you grow.

Today my heart is hurting, but I know it will get easier.

You made us so proud today. As we got out of the car, you hugged me tight and said "Mummy I'm nervous.." I was worried you'd get upset, but you didn't, you bravely walked in to the school and when it was time you blew Daddy and I a kiss and we waved goodbye to you.

Well done Bee - You are going to be brilliant.

I can't wait for 3 o'clock...!

Love you x

Missing You.

I can't believe it's been over a year already.

Seeing all the other mama's stories on baby loss brings it all home again, and although I still think about it everyday, this week seems to make everything come to the surface just that little bit more.

How do you ever really get over losing a baby that was so so so wanted and already so loved?

Even after hearing other peoples stories I still feel silly for feeling so sad, I was barely 7 weeks pregnant, I didn't have a bump, I didn't have any symptoms. I know I have as much right as anyone else to feel sad about it, I know this, but still when I hear stories of women losing babies much further on, or even still born I can't help but feel I'm being a little dramatic for feeling so upset.

I don't talk about it to anyone for this reason, because I don't feel anyone but Dom really understands.

I know in reality A LOT of people would understand and do understand.

I am so glad that baby loss is so widely spoken about now, and you really don't realise just how many people are affected by it.

When I had Skye the thought of loosing her never crossed my mind. The thought of anything going wrong never crossed my mind. I was in such a naive little bubble. To be honest I am so glad that I was! I feel if I ever get pregnant again, I won't be so naive to it all, and I'll probably worry a whole lot more.

I hope that in sharing my story, I have at least made just one more person aware of ectopic pregnancies and just how common and dangerous they can be, I know before it happened to me, I was unaware of just how serious and dangerous they were.

So here we are a year on, and still missing you little one.

#babylossawarenessweek

Co-sleeping Mama

I laid in bed the other night with my darling daughter snuggled next to me, we were chatting and laughing and I thought how much I loved these moments with her.

Ususally of course we don't sit in bed chatting and laughing but Dom wasn't feeling well so we went up earlier than usual to let him have an early night... even if it was on the sofa! Who has the patience to deal with a snoring husband... not me!!

As it got later we snuggled down to go to sleep and I felt her little hand stroke my face in the darkness and she kissed my forehead. "Good night mummy" came her little voice, and my heart felt as though it might just burst!!

I laid in the darkness listening to her breathing begin to slow and I knew she was drifting off. I began to wonder how anyone could not love co-sleeping!

Obviously we don't co-sleep all the time, sometimes she will sneak into our room in the early hours of the morning and snuggle in with us to go back to sleep, but on the odd occasion and since she's been a little poorly lately she has been asking to sleep in our bed. I don't really mind it so we let her lay in the middle and we all sleep soundly... (usually!)

I definitely have had those nights though where some time between falling asleep and the morning my daughter turns in to a leg squirming wiggly starfish type creature! Don't get me wrong, it's not always the cute instagram picture I may post!!  I think the super king bed was for sure a good buy!

I know co-sleeping is definitely a love/hate topic, but I have to say for me it's for sure a love, and I will 100% miss these days when she no longer wants to crawl in to our bed and hold my hand to fall back to sleep!

Georgie x

Life after loss..

 

I have wanted to write this post for a while now, just to sort of finish off my previous post and feel like I had said all I wanted to.

As it is international pregnancy and baby loss awareness week and the week is coming to an end I figured now would be an appropriate time for this.

It's not so much to share my story as I have already done that previously, but more to share how I felt after my experience.

I remember the following days in hospital being very strange, the only other time I had stayed in hospital was after I had had Skye, and this felt very similar, only I didn't have a newborn to distract me from surgery pain. I remember feeling such a dejavu of feelings, the way I had been told to get up and move were all so similar to what I was told after having my c-section. I couldn't quite get my head around not being pregnant anymore and still having to suffer. There were a few people who said "try not to think about it" but how could I not?! For the first few days I had the horrid trapped wind shoulder pain every time I got up and I had four wounds where they had cut in to my stomach for surgery. These were all covered so I couldn't even see the extent of what lay beneath either which worried me also!

Coming home was strange also, it was like I had been away from home for ages, I missed my baby girl and couldn't wait to see her. I had only seen her once since being in hospital and it was so strange not seeing her for three days, I haven't spend a day apart from her since she was born so this was also another thing to add to the pile of emotions I was feeling.

The first night home was probably the worst. It's almost as though being in hospital makes you numb to everything, nothing is familiar so you don't feel out of sorts, but at home it's a different story. Once Skye was in bed, I went in to my room for the first time since coming home, and it was as though all my emotions hit me at once. I found it hard being sat exactly where I was when my first pains started and it was as though all the memories came rushing back in a flash. I began to wonder how I was going to cope! Luckily after a lot of tears and reassurance from Dom I began to feel much better.

It took me around four weeks to fully heal from the surgery and I am so thankful to Dom and my family for all their help and support.

I still find it strange to talk about it, having an ectopic pregnancy feels like a different story to someone who has had a misscarriage, and I almost felt silly saying I had lost a baby. People didn't really ever mention that part to me and I felt a little like the most important fact was over looked because I'd had surgery that was what people focused on. I know it's a difficult subject and people don't know how to talk about it, but sometimes I felt a little as though they had forgotten that I was pregnant at all!

I'm lucky to have such a supportive husband and we talk about it a lot still and I'm glad we both feel the same that we want to remember this little one as a part of our family and not just a loss or something terrible that happened. Obviously Skye knew I was pregnant, and she did ask Dom the first night I was away if I was bringing the baby home, which was so upsetting, but I didn't see any point in lying to her, we wanted to be as honest as we could. We explained that the baby was too poorly and has had to go and live in the sky. She understands and I think being honest has been for the best. She doesn't keep asking where the baby is anymore and I like to think she's made peace with where the baby has gone as well.

Sending love to anyone who has lost a baby in whatever way - not only the mamas but the papas too because I think sometimes they get forgotten in the sadness. xxx

My Worst Post.

I don't know that I'm ready to write these words, write this post or share my feelings.. so if this sits in my drafts for some time then so be it.

I never thought I would ever have to write a post like this. Not that anyone ever does. I just never thought it would be me.

Two weeks ago today(2/9) I found out that I was pregnant.

I can barely believe it was only two weeks ago. I had my suspicions whilst we were on holiday that I might be, but after being 8 days late my period arrived. It was a very unusual cycle for me, and one that left me still questioning whether I could still be pregnant. Hence why I took the test.

It came back positive and I was over the moon! I couldn't wait to tell Dom the news when he got home from work. I knew he would be shocked as I knew after the holiday there would be no way he would even think I could be pregnant! That night we sat on the sofa and I told him I had something for him, he closed his eyes and I placed the test in his hands. When he opened his eyes, the confusion on his face was clear! He asked how, and I explained the odd cycle I'd had.

He was overjoyed. As was I !!

By my dates I'd already worked out that I was over 6 weeks, a few days off 7 weeks. At this point when I was pregnant with Skye I'd already been sick for 2 weeks, so I was pretty pleased that I might not get the crippling sickness this time around!

The next few days I was so tired, and felt a little sickness creeping in, but nothing I couldn't handle.
Dom and I discussed whether we thought it would be a boy or a girl, whether we still liked the names we'd chosen before, and we decided to let Skye in on the secret!

Despite constantly asking me if I had a baby in my tummy and when she could have a baby brother, she wasn't overly excited when we told her! I was quite surprised, but all she was concerned about was me having to go in to hospital?! I explained it wouldn't be for a long time yet and she seemed to be ok after that.

We decided to tell my mum and dad on the Sunday evening just incase I did get any sickness and needed any help with Skye and Dom was going to ring his family the next day.

Monday morning when I woke up I felt more sick than usual and decided to go and spend the day at mum's so Skye could play with her cousin and I could rest a little. I felt exhausted the whole day and kept saying to my mum that I felt like I couldn't breathe enough. It was a muggy day and I just put it down to being pregnant!

By the time evening came around I couldn't wait to get into bed, Dom and I watched some TV and then decided to go up to bed. I went to the loo and as I was walking back to the bedroom I noticed a light stinging down low in my tummy. I thought it was from my c-section scar as I had read that they can sting when you are pregnant again. I got in to bed and (naughtily) googled why I might be having this odd pain! I didn't really get any answers, so laid down to go to sleep, but as I laid down a sharp pain shot up my right side. It went right up to my shoulder, and it was quite similar to the pain I had felt after having Skye. The pain of trapped wind. I tried to stretch out, and lie in different positions but nothing seemed to work and the pain was becoming unbearable. At this point I had no idea that anything was wrong. I just thought I had extreme trapped wind. I'd had no bleeding so thought it was nothing to do with the baby. In the back of my mind I kept thinking should I call an ambulance but at the same time thinking what if it was just wind?!

As I laid in bed, I kept going from hot to cold and shaking from the pain, I'd asked Dom to get me something for trapped wind, but it hadn't worked. I finally decided I needed to do something and asked Dom to call my dad. He came round as quickly as he could, I think by now it was about 1.30am. He suggested phoning the 111 number for advice, I tried to listen as I could hear Dom speaking on the phone, and he kept asking me questions. When he hung up he told me they were sending an ambulance, and I felt myself begin to panic, something must be wrong?

By now the pain was unbearable, I couldn't move. It felt like forever waiting for the ambulance, and when they arrived they asked so many questions that I felt I couldn't answer. They did some checks and said my blood pressure was extremely low. They wanted to take me in to hospital to be checked and asked if I was ok to walk to the ambulance. I thought I was but the second I tried to get up the pain literally felt like it was ripping my body in half.  They carried me out of my house on one of them chair things and I caught my reflection in my mirror as they carried me down the stairs...

What the hell had happened in those last few hours?!

We stayed in the ambulance for what felt like forever. They did more checks and put one of those needle things in my arm to give me morphine and fluids. All I kept thinking was my dad doesn't know what's happening! I kept looking at Dom, just praying nothing bad was happening. He looked exhausted and frightened. I tried to relax - for some reason I thought that would help?!

Next thing I knew we were driving off and I laid so still the whole way to the hospital, looking at all the things hanging in the ambulance and every so often noticing the blue lights reflecting through the window. Before I knew it we had arrived at the hospital. They wheeled me out of the ambulance and took me straight through to the emergency ward, where I had to lay on another bed and wait for more tests.

They told me there was no one available to give me a scan until the morning so depending on my tests I might be sent home until then. I was determined I wasn't going home until I knew what was wrong and by now it was almost 4am. They kept giving me morphine to ease the pain, but nothing was working, I couldn't move the pain was so intense.

After what felt like forever, they came back and put a hospital bracelet on me and told me I was staying until the morning so I could be scanned. They did an internal check incase I was miscarrying or likely to miscarry soon, but I was told everything looked fine.

They also informed me that I was most likely having a ectopic pregnancy.

I couldn't quite process this in my mind, and was devastated that if this was the case there was nothing I could do. I convinced myself the pain wasn't so bad, and each time they asked I lied at the intensity of it, as if this was going to change anything. I just didn't want it to be true.

Dom had no idea what an ectopic pregnancy was, I barely knew myself, I knew what it was, I knew it wasn't good, I didn't know my life was at risk and I didn't know how much trouble I was currently in.

Once they left Dom and I alone, we sat in silence, I broke the silence by asking if he knew what was happening, he shrugged and I explained. He had remained calm because he didn't understand that if it was ectopic this was the end of the line for us and this little one that we had already fallen so in love with. It felt like I broke his heart with my last few words and I didn't know how to stop it.

We were moved on to a ward to wait for the morning and it was the longest few hours of my life. I begged Dom to try and sleep, literally impossible on a hospital chair I know, but he needed rest. I laid awake and stared at the window, waiting for daylight to appear. I couldn't feel or show any emotion. The second I felt as though I would cry a pain shot through my ribs and I have never felt a pain so intense.

By the time morning came around I was exhausted and unable to move still. I'd had my blood pressure taken more times than I could count and I was fed up. They seemed in no hurry to get me a scan and I felt angry that anything could be happening and they had no idea.

Eventually a doctor came to see me, he explained all sorts to me that I couldn't really understand, and I was told I would be scanned soon. He told me the blood they had taken looked good and usually if the pregnancy is ectopic, it shows up in the bloods. I looked at Dom and he was smiling holding my hand, he said it was good news, and I hated that he'd got his hopes up. I felt myself even begin to think, maybe everything is ok, maybe that's why they're not in any rush, maybe they know I'm fine. In the back of my mind though I knew it wasn't.

By the time the lady had come in with the scanning equipment I didn't really know how to feel. The only other time I'd ever had a scan was when we were pregnant with Skye and that was an enjoyable experience, the two didn't really compare. For a split second I felt excited that we might get to see our baby, things would be ok, but as she rubbed my belly with the scanner, I saw the familiar shapes as I'd seen before, but there was no baby that I could see. She told me, she wouldn't tell us anything until she was sure what she was seeing. It felt like forever, then finally she spoke. She told us she was worried about an ectopic pregnancy. That was it. I felt my heart just sink. She showed us where the baby should be, but it wasn't. She couldn't find it which she said was normal. She warned us to look away as it may be upsetting to see, but I couldn't. This may be the only chance I ever got to see our baby. However we didn't see anything, she said I was full of fluid that shouldn't be there ( I later found out this was where the tube had ruptured and I had a litre of blood that had to be removed)  She advised us that I would have to have surgery to have it removed asap.

And that was that.

She said how sorry she was and that I would be prepped for surgery asap then she left. I looked at Dom and he broke down in tears, I couldn't even look at him because the second I did, I wanted to cry but as soon as any emotions hit me, the pain ripped through my body again, so I laid there and stared at the ceiling trying to think of anything else. Somehow Dom managed to ring my dad and let him know what was happening and quicker than anything else that had happened since coming in, my mum and dad appeared on the ward. My dad's face sent pain ripping through my body again and I begged them not to cry. I just couldn't handle it.

The same doctor that had got our hopes up previously came in again and he explained what would happen, he told me that as well as removing "the pregnancy" they would also need to remove my right fallopian tube, because if it was damaged then leaving it would cause more problems in the future. I had to sign a consent form even though my body was screaming no. I didn't want any of this. I didn't know what any of this meant. Would I still be able to have more children? Would it be harder to conceive? I was terrified. I felt I had no control over anything that was happening to me.
All I had wanted was a baby!!

Once I was ready for surgery, I was told they would come and collect me within the hour. The hour passed and they hadn't come, I was told again within the hour I would be taken down to theatre. We waited and I became more and more anxious. By now the pain was unbearable and I laid there wondering how within three days things had changed so drastically. I was now 7 weeks pregnant. But I soon wouldn't be. Why was this happening to me?

My thoughts were soon interrupted when a team of doctors and nurses walked on to the ward and told me it was time. I kissed Dom goodbye and felt everyones eyes on me as they wheeled my bed off the ward. I could see Dom crying as I left and I felt so alone. I wanted to stay there with him where it felt safe, instead I was put in a room where they surrounded my bed and asked me if I knew what was happening. The next thing I remember is having an oxygen mask held over my face and being told to breathe normally. I remember thinking to myself, well I'm still awake...

I woke up hours later in a room that felt huge. It felt like I couldn't rub my eyes enough and I couldn't wake up. I had no idea what had happened or where Dom was, or even where I was. Soon a nurse appeared and I was wheeled into another room where Dom was waiting with my mum and dad.

Then it hit me. I remembered why I was here and what had happened.



I'll write a follow up post to this one in a few days, just felt this was already pretty long to continue here.

To share or not to share..

I was really in two minds as to whether or not to post this picture on social media.

However the more I thought about it the more I thought, it's part of my life. I've always documented life events, and this was and will continue to be a huge part of mine. I wrote a long post which I haven't yet posted, just explaining what happened to me. Again felt in two minds as to whether or not to post it. I worried that people would think it strange to post such a horrible and upsetting experience, but again, it's what I do.

For as long as I can remember, whether it be something good, or something bad writing was my only outlet. I've always kept a "diary" as such and I've always found writing out my feelings is a good escape for me. I find it hard to talk about my feelings out loud - hence the blog!

If people want to read this then they can, if not then skip past and wait for happier times to arise again!

I'm reading this through now and again wondering if I'll even post this! I'm wondering why I'm defending myself! Why am I always so worried about what people will think?!

I don't want to forget. The worst thing in the world happened to us, but I don't want to forget that for 7 weeks our littlest love was with us.

Mommy Talk: Breastfeeding

As its national breast feeding week I figured I'd do my second mommy talk post on that exact topic! 

I always knew I wanted to breastfeed, even before I became pregnant, just because my mum always did and growing up seeing her doing it, it was just a natural thing. I was quite surprised once I'd had skye and began breastfeeding at just how much hype there is over it!! 

It came very naturally to me and I never had any problems luckily. I love the bond it gave us and I loved having the quiet time just me and her when she would need a feed. It's so nice as well being the only one who can do it, so you get to have that alone time with your child, which you can never seem to get with a newborn!! Especially when everyone wants a cuddle!! 

I felt quite nervous taking her out to start with especially during the first few weeks, incase she would scream for a feed!! Luckily she mostly slept whilst we were out during this time! However if we were out for the day, obviously we would have to stop for a feed, usually I would feed her just before we got out of the car so she would be ok for a little while, but if she did need a feed we would usually stop for a cuppa and snack. I don't really remember feeling nervous about feeding her in public - usually people don't even notice!! I made sure to take a muslin cloth everywhere and would just drape it across my shoulder! This obviously gets more difficult when they become older and start to wriggle more!! - More on this in the next post!! Obviously you get the odd person who notices and sometimes they look at you funny but I'm not sure if that was because I was breastfeeding or because they were shocked she was mine LOL !! 

Other than my mum and a few ladies online I didn't really know anyone who breastfed and many seemed quite shocked when I said I was! I found this quite difficult, especially when returning to work. People didn't seem to understand that while Skye was ok, as I had left milk for her, I may not be as milk is still being produced! 5 hours is a fair while to go without a feed and it gets extremely painful!!

I was lucky enough to be able to stay off work until Skye was 9 months old, so when I did return to work she wasn't as reliant on milk as she would of been if she had been younger! However she was still feeding whenever she liked, and this was quite difficult! I tried to do shorter shifts, as she was going around 4-5 hours without a feed at this point, and on my long day I would come home for lunch and feed her. I found returning to work quite difficult as I had to prepare for this for about a month before hand! I even took my pump on holiday as this was a month before I was due to return to work, and I had to "trick" my body into producing enough milk for an extra feed so I had enough to pump for her for when I did return to work. Luckily I didn't have to do this for very long though as she adjusted really well and barely asked for milk when I wasn't around!

I found it quite sad to read online others arguing over choices other mums had made regarding feeding - I think every mother does their best and I felt breastfeeding was best for me and my child, however it's not for everyone and everyone has their right to feed their child as they wish. It is great though that breastfeeding is more spoken about these days and women are so much more confident about it! 

I have found it to be an absolute joy, and loved every minute of it! 

Here are a few things I found useful or found out from breastfeeding..

- Keep a drink to hand, I literally felt as though she was taking all my moisture when she fed! I got so thirsty!

- Try and eat extra calories as you really need it when feeding! I lost a lot of weight due to feeding even though I was eating a ton!! 

- Keep muslin cloths handy as they are great for keeping feeding discreet if you wish to.

- I didn't really know what to expect when I began pumping, and was shocked at how little actually came out! 

- Use a nipple cream to prevent soreness, look for one which doesn't need to be washed off before a feed.

- I learnt to try holding baby in different positions if feeding does become sore.

- I gave up using disposable breast pads and got washable ones. Best decision ever!! 

My next post will continue on from this and will be on breastfeeding after a year. 

Please feel free to leave any comments if you have any tips to share for other mamas!

Mommy Talk: Morning Sickness.

I thought I'd start once a week to try and do a post on mummy topics. Things that I've experienced, from when I was pregnant, right up to the toddler months we're now in!

I thought what better place to start, than where my journey began.. and where it stayed for quite some time!!

When I first found out I was pregnant, we decided to not tell anyone for a little while,  well that lasted for around a week! We were due to go out for an easter meal with all my family, and as I went to get out of bed, I was hit with a horrid feeling of nausea, the way you feel after a heavy night of drinking! Of course as I knew I was pregnant I knew exactly what this was.. I hadn't escaped it! Damn!! I had expected some sort of morning sickness, but what I didn't expect or know, was that it could (and would!) go on for weeks, and not just be in the morning!

After a few days of being in bed unable to keep any food or drink down, I knew I had to tell my mum what was going on! She had already guessed I think anyway! I decided now was the time to go to the doctor and see what they could do to help! I had been googling (naughty!) ways to help myself but nothing seemed to work for me. The doctor signed me off work and gave me some tablets which should have eased the sickness enough to help me to eat. They did not work!!

I was so fed up of lying in bed and spent hours reading through pregnancy forums to find out when this would be over and I could enjoy being pregnant! Obviously though nothing could give me the answer I wanted, and I just had to wait it out. The worst of my sickness lasted for around six weeks. However it didn't stop there! I still had the odd day here and there where I would feel dreadful, and I was still sick in the mornings right after I'd eaten (TMI!!) all the way up until I was 40 weeks!! It wasn't every day, but quite often!!

Sickness like this was not something that I had ever known about before getting pregnant, I mean I knew about morning sickness of course, but I had imagined being sick once when waking up then carrying on through the day! I did not know it could go on all day or last for weeks!!

Here are a few things which helped me to get through! I hope if anyone is in the same position I was and is scrolling the internet looking for anything to help, that this helps a little!!

- Eating something as soon as you wake up, even if you don't feel hungry.

- Drink lots of water. My doctor said the baby will get what it needs from you as long as you stay hydrated.

- Wear travel sickness bands. I don't really think these helped, but it was more of a mind trick!

- Don't worry about work. - I would worry constantly what people at work would think that I had phoned in sick again, or if I had to go home, but honestly don't worry. Your health and your baby are more important than what other people think. I was signed off of work for six weeks, and when I went back they would let me go home if I didn't feel well enough. Working in retail it is very hard to cope with sickness or hide it!! Especially when you have to stand constantly all day! Any "work tips" that I found online all assumed that pregnant women work in offices and that you have a desk! Well where I work there is no chance to sit down or rest!

- Keep mints or sweets handy! I always found sucking a hard sweet or a mint helped, and it kept that horrible taste away as well!

- If you can't face eating, try drinking a glass of milk. This always helped me! If you don't like plain milk, try flavoured milk.

- Also eating dry things like toast, breadsticks and rich tea biscuits. I lived off of these things for the first few weeks!

- Keep a snack handy. I used to keep a kit kat or small pack of biscuits in my bag at all times. The second I felt hungry I would have to eat otherwise the sick feeling would come!

These are a few things that helped me, and I hope by sharing it will help others!

Did you have pregnancy sickness? What tips do you have? :)

Currently.

Doing: Having a lazy morning with Skye, thinking we really should get dressed! She's watching cartoons, and trying her hardest to get Leo to cuddle her! She's also decided trying to walk along the sofa is a fun game! Also, doing.. well this I guess!!

Watching: Skye is watching Ben and Holly, it's rare I get to watch any TV in the mornings! Other than the TV I'm watching Skye trying to walk across the sofa and giggling to herself when she flops down!

Planning: We are currently planning our wedding which is all very exciting, but at the same time a little uncertain right now. Due to my dad's operation we may have to change our date. Hopefully all the extra added stress right now will only make our wedding more special when it does happen!

Thinking about: Food. Always! Also about my dad. I've been thinking a lot lately about how we really take things for granted sometimes, and it's not until big things happen that you stop and think wow I really should appreciate things more. I've known for over 9 months that my dad is due to have this operation, and I think I just put it to the back of my mind, but more recently as it could be any day now I've been thinking about it more. It's terrifying, and I hate that he has to go through it. It's said to be the most complicated operation there is, there's one hospital in the UK that does it, hence why we're all playing the waiting game. He'll be gone for up to three weeks and I'm dreading it. 

Looking Forward To: The day my dad comes back from hospital and we know he is ok. I literally want nothing more right now.

Loving: The days I don't have to work and get to spend with Skye. The way she is turning in to such a  grown up little girl that understands things and that she is beginning to have proper conversations! Also the funny little things she does! I hope I never forget any of them!

How about you, what are you unto? I love to read currently posts!

My baby...

I've never done monthly updates on here about Skye, as I can barely remember what day it is let alone when things happen!!

I do try to note down the important things though obviously!!

I thought I would just do a currently update on her, as she is doing so many great things right now, that I really want to make sure I don't forget a single thing!!

Obviously right now her biggest achievement has been walking!! For a long time now she has been very confidently walking around holding on to furniture and her walkers, but she just never seemed to want to take the plunge and do it by herself!! Even if we tried to hold her up to attempt it, she would just bend her legs and sit down!! Then recently she started taking a small step to get from the sofa to the coffee table and we clapped and said "hooray" excitedly each time so she knew it was a big deal!! Then the other night she took a few more steps and we got very excited and she clapped along as well! We always just left her to it really, as we didn't want her to feel like she never wanted to do it by herself because we had pushed her! Then it was on valentines night that we were in the kitchen, and I put her down to do something, and she was stood up then all of sudden she walked the furthest she ever has right the way across the kitchen!! We all clapped and she laughed, and ever since then there has been no stopping her!! Although sometimes she does go faster than her legs can carry her and she starts to panic! It is so strange seeing her walking around as she still looks so little!

I will try and put up some of the videos we got of her walking as well! :D

Other big things right now, are that she is really starting to communicate and talk a lot more. Yesterday she even said Leo!! Usually if you ask her where he is or if she wants to see him she just replies with "woof woof" which she still does now, but she now also clearly says Leo!!

Other favourite words are, Baby, Yes, No, Mummy, Daddy, Grand dad, Nanny, Splash, Milk, MooMoo (muslins), Peppa, Yum Yum, Finished and Done.

I'm sure there are more!! She is definitely getting better at letting us know what she wants!!

She also loves playing with other children and sharing things! She definitely loves her baby cousin and always wants to look at the picture of him on the fridge! Last night she got a very special treat and he came in the bath with her!! She loved it!

Also lately she has been really enjoying helping me to do things, I let her help me to hang the washing on the drier and when I fold it all she likes to pass things to me and search through the basket for her "moo moo's" (muslin cloths!!) She also loves to rock her baby to sleep and I've really noticed her starting to copy things we do with her, with her doll :) so cute to watch!!

After a tough few weeks, I really feel she is getting back to her normal self! Man were those weeks tough! Then again I have heard that a lot goes on once they turn one and it is completely normal to feel like you've lost your baby you once knew!!

She is definitely not a baby anymore which makes me so sad! But at the same time she is growing in to such a beautiful little girl, and I've never been more proud to call her mine!

Skye's First Birthday!

Skye's first birthday seemed to come around so quickly! Her first year flew by!!

It's taken me so long to finally get these pictures and this post up!!

We had such a great day at home with her, and she was so spoilt!

We woke up early and she opened some of her presents, it took her nearly all day to get through them all!! She kept losing interest and wanting to play with Leo!

We then made her giant cupcake while she had her nap so she could do her cake smash on her actual birthday. Luckily daddy took the day off work so he could see her do it as well! He also pretty much decorated most of the cake... but shh! I'll do a separate post with this as there are quite a few pics!

Later in the evening once she had been bathed after the cake had been smashed and some of it fed to Leo, more family popped round and she was given more presents!

She definitely slept well that night!

We decided to have her party at the weekend when everyone was off work, and when more of our family could come, we had such great fun decorating the house and she loved the attention and playing with her cousins!! It was such a shame that Dom's family couldn't come as they are so far away, but we did see them before her birthday so Skye could play with Eby!

I'm so glad she had such a special day and we will remember it for ever! You only turn one once, so all the planning and making things was definitely worth it!

Even now I still can't believe she is one!!

Here are some pictures from the day and her party! :)

So a week or so beforehand I decided I wanted to make her a birthday crown for her cake smash photo's! I also wanted to make her a birthday banner, which hopefully she can use every year! Although neither things I made were perfect, I think they looked good and considering I'm no whizz on a machine, I think I did ok! I also spend a good few weeks making her the tutu.. !! (tedious much?!)

                         

So here she is, the birthday beauty!!

We got everything ready the night before!

Her first morning of being one!!

Nanny and Grandad spoilt her with this bike!!

Her Party at the weekend!

We had bought a helium can for her "hot air balloon" photo's and had lots left!!

I made sure to take a picture of her each month..!! I love seeing how much she changed in such a short time!!

Ben and Holly cake!!

She was excited to see Gaston the ladybird!!

We decorated the mirror with photo's that I had printed into polaroids, of her first year! <3

This we made for her christening!

She ended the night by playing with her balloons!!

I really enjoyed planning her birthday, and making things for her to keep!! 

And as sad as it is that every year she will be a year older, I'm looking forward to planning her next party and celebrating another amazing year spent with her <3