The past few days with Skye have been exhausting to say the least!
Since turning one she has changed character a little, and I like to think it's 'just a phase' but man is it lasting!! She has become extremely clingy and especially at night it seems she is experiencing separation anxiety. When it comes to bed time, we never really went down the 'routine' road, as it's not really for us, but she's always gone down at a reasonable time - between 9 and 10.
Obviously she has had her nights when getting her down has seemed impossible, but for the most part, I would feed her and lay her down in her cot and she would sleep most of the time until 6 when she would wake for a feed then go back to sleep in our bed until around 9.
Lately though she has been fighting sleep and her naps are sometimes non existent.
I have continued to put her to bed in the same way regardless of how she has been the previous night, so I guess in that respect we have a loose routine.
After a few tough nights previously, last night was looking good, but turned out to be the worst night yet!!
She fell asleep at about 9.20, but as I laid her down in her cot, she woke immediately, and cried. I always try rocking her back to sleep before nursing again, as she demands nursing a lot when she wakes. There was just no letting up last night though. She was tired, but refused to sleep. Even nursing her did not work. Dom and I both tried to settle her with no luck.
I pray this is just teething and she will return to her normal self soon!!
But my main point for writing this, is the way I felt last night was just horrible. I felt a complete failure as a mum, not being able to settle my own child to sleep, something which seems such a simple task. Although I argued with myself that it is not. I found myself questioning everything, should I have a better routine for her, should I force her to take naps more during the day, is she over tired? What am I doing wrong.
I laid thinking about other people I know with kids and questioning why their kids sleep all night and go down at 7 and mine is often still bouncing around at gone 9.
Now as the morning came and I was still battling with a teary one year old who had slept in what felt like bouts of 5 minutes at a time, I was just drained. Luckily Dom took her and I managed to sleep for a few hours - Hallelujah!!
Even just two hours of sleep can change your perspective on things.
The previous night I had laid questioning everything. I wondered why others appeared to have it so easy and why I was struggling. Then I thought, but do they? Or am I just seeing what I want? I don't tell people when I am struggling, so why do I assume that any other mum would either?
Why I felt so alone I now have no idea, as when I did go online it was as if other mums had heard my silent mummy prayers and answered "you are not alone" I saw at least 3 other mums saying what an horrendous night they had just had with their little ones. Why does it make us feel like we are failing if we admit things are hard sometimes?
I seriously don't know why I am so hard on myself sometimes. Being a mum is hard, I just forget sometimes, because Skye does make it feel so easy for the most part!!
I always try to remind myself that "This too shall pass." I heard this when I first had Skye and it has stuck with me, whenever things are hard I think of that saying. I try to remember that in a blink of an eye she will be grown up and I'll be fighting to get her out of bed!
It's easy to say now, but the next tough night I have I'll really try to remember, I'm doing my best for her, and everything really will seem better in the morning. x
P.s - If this makes just one other mummy feel better or not alone, then yay!
