I don't need you mummy!

Why are these words so hard to hear?!

Skye just went to use the toilet, and she marched in ahead of me, stopped at the door and said "I don't need you mummy.." she pulled the door shut behind her and left me stood outside wondering where my baby went!!

It seems like only yesterday that she couldn't even hold her own head up without me, now she apparently doesn't need me!

It so tough to hear as a mum (or dad!) that they don't need you and obviously we know that's not true,  I mean come on she's three, but still ..!!

On the flip side though it makes me so proud how grown up she is becoming, and she's really found her confidence in doing things for herself since starting nursery.

Anyone else clinging on to the baby years, dragging them out for as long as possible?!

Starting Nursery.

Tomorrow morning my baby girl goes for her first proper session at nursery.

I can't quite believe it has come around so quickly and before we know it she will be starting school!

I decided last year that when she was three I would start taking her to nursery just to get her ready for when she starts school and get her in to the habit of getting ready and going, and also learning to be away from me.

Though in saying that I think it's far more me that needs to learn to be apart from her! When I put her name down last year it felt like such a long way away, but now the day is here and I can't quite imagine not being with her! I can't imagine leaving her behind or leaving her with strangers!

She is only going for a few hours in the mornings but I feel quite sad as this was our treasured part of the day. She would help me with the house jobs, and play quietly in her room while I got ready, sometimes pretending to do her make up with me as I did mine and now I feel quite sad at the thought of returning home tomorrow morning without her!

I know it will be good for her, and I know she will be back before I know it, but it really doesn't stop me dreading the morning and wishing she could stay my baby for just a little longer.


Please send positive thoughts our way as I feel tomorrow is going to be a tough day for this mama!

My Second Mothers Day!

It literally feels like I was just writing my first ever mothers day post! Now here we are a year later - on my second mothers day!

I feel I could just repeat what I wrote last year! I have never been so grateful for anything in my life! 

I have wanted to be a mummy for as long as I can remember, it's the only thing I have ever really been sure of and I always felt a little silly when people would ask what I wanted to do or be when I was older, in my head I would always answer "A Mummy.." but out loud I would always say, "I'm not sure yet.." It was almost as if I thought if I said that was what I wanted I felt people would reply with "Yes but what else.." As if it wasn't enough! Now here I am a mother of a one year old, and although I do still work as well, being a mummy is definitely a full time job all on it's own and if any one ever said to me now "Yes but what else..?" I would happily reply "And nothing!" Being a mummy is definitely enough! It is hard work and it is exhausting, but it is also full of joy, excitement and the best rewards you could ask for!

I read a lot of other mummy posts, and a lot of the time I find myself reading ..."I never knew I would be so excited by a tiny giggle, or how much you could love one tiny human." But I felt I always knew how excited one tiny human could make me!

I feel that as a mum we should all take a moment each day to just be thankful and remind ourselves how truly lucky we are to be able to call ourselves mums! I often worried when I was younger about what if.. what if I was one of the unlucky women who couldn't have children. I think because it was the one thing I knew I always wanted and the one thing I was sure about, I was always worried about the what ifs. I am so so so grateful that I am so lucky to have been able to experience the joy of growing and nurturing my tiny baby girl. 

I have had such a lovely relaxing day! My baby gave me a gorgeous card that she had coloured for me and a picture of us together! I'm sure I have her daddy to thank as well! ;) 

I know some people say mothers day is over rated and just a way for shops to make money, but really what is so wrong with celebrating our mothers, I know I couldn't live without mine. She has shown me how to be a great mother and I hope I can be as wonderful to Skye as she has been to me! 

We don't always say it enough but I love my mum, and I hope when Skye is older she looks up to me as much as I do to my mum!!

Being a mum isn't easy, but it is definitely worth every sleepless night, every early morning, every giggle, smile, cuddle and kiss. I sure know now what others meant when they said being a mother is like watching your heart wander around outside of your body.

So happy mothers day to all the other mummy's out there, I hope you all had a lovely day, and you all feel as blessed as I do to be able to call yourself a mummy! :)

Why Do I Blog?

I have been thinking today about blogging, and why I do it. 

Well it's simple really, I do it because I enjoy it. Because I love to have things to look back on and read. I know that blogging has become so popular lately and everyone and their dog has a blog! But I have, in some sort of shape or form always had a blog, whether it be online or handwritten in some book that I kept in the drawer by my bed!

Ever since I can remember, I've always kept a place to write down my feelings. I can remember all the times I've sat on the edge of my bed in tears scribbling down my feelings, and feeling instantly better for getting it out. I've always had trouble talking about my feelings, and I'd always much rather write things out for people to read than say things that I feel silly for feeling/thinking. Not that I'd ever want to let anyone read my 'diary' lol ... they are embarrassing now to look back on, but I keep them, because at one point, it helped me through! The only one I no longer have is one which I tore to shreds after a huge fight with my ex, when it all just became too much. 

I feel blogging is something you should do for yourself, not something you should do to gain popularity over others, I keep this blog so that someday I'll have an organised space to look back on, and memories to read through. Even if no one else looks at it, or reads what I write, it will still be here, just for me. My little corner of the internet. 

I want this to be a happy place, so that's what it is. I have another space which I still post stuff, but that's just for me, and unless you're already aware of it, you won't find it because it contains my past, I've written there when I've been at my lowest points, and I don't think I need to share that with the world. 

I'll always keep this blog honest and true to me and who I am, and if people read this then great, but if not, it will always be here just for me. 

Say it now.

Why do we take simple things for granted?

I longed so much for this child, terrified I wouldn't be able to have children, and now I have this beautiful daughter and I wish sometimes I would stop and cherish how lucky I am to have her. Some are unable to have their dream of children. I try every day to be thankful for her and enjoy every moment that goes by so quickly but as weeks and months go by so quickly I always feel that it's never enough.

I want to always remember the way she smiles when she wakes, the way she smells when she's just been bathed. I want to always remember the feeling of bringing her home for the first time, the look of love in Dom's eyes as he laid them on her the moment she was born. 

I hope I always remember these things. 

It's so easy as days, weeks, months and years go by so quickly to forget sometimes not to take things for granted, one day in the blink of an eye things can change and then all we'll have left is regret. Regret of things we wished we'd done or said, moments we wished we'd taken just a little longer to savour. I know we can love until our hearts are full and we'll always long for something that once was, that's just human emotion, I just want to try and do things that can be done now, because as I once heard, "you can't make time later"

If someone is important to you, tell them, because if you never had the chance to, again, you'd wish you'd told them.